“Maybe if I weren’t so strict, my son wouldn’t be there.” These are the words of a mother who lost her son to a sentence of life imprisonment for the death of his girlfriend.
More than sorrow, the mother is overwhelmed with feelings of guilt, self-blame and heartbreak. “I sometimes replay events of that evening wanting them to be different, but that is impossible. Does that make me a bad mother?” She asked this question directed at no one in particular. As she spoke about her son’s upbringing, all she could muster up were memories of how her son took extra care in not wanting to be a disappointment to her. From behind the glass, her son’s parting words were “Mom, I’m sorry I disappointed you.”
In a handwritten letter to his mother with details that would change everyone’s life, the son wrote about a love he wanted to cherish until his dying day. “I stood next to the love of my life, prayed and asked for forgiveness. Me praying or saying anything to her didn’t matter because she was already gone,” are the words a mother read through tears and regret for failing to protect the very son she swore her life to.
According to her son, it was April 2024 when a moment of anger started the week in a pool of blood and the one person he could think to ask for help from was his childhood friend.
It was a Sunday evening on April 28th 2024 when his girlfriend came back home after a night out to a ‘church’ event with a friend. Moments after her arrival the kids went to bed and the couple was alone.
While dinner was being prepared, a call came in which would ultimately change his life. It was another man. With the sting of betrayal, the boyfriend turned to ask if his ears were deceiving him. He returned the call to make sure it wasn’t a practical joke being played on him. The answer he received wasn't what he was expecting.
With mixed emotions and shouts from the girlfriend, the only thing he could do to keep her at arm's length was to push her away, not knowing it would be the last time he would hear her speak.
Events that followed plunged him deeper into a web of guilt that was impossible to escape from. "We spoke about everything but it pains me that he couldn't call me for this because he knew how strict I was and instead, chose to reach out to his friend.”
“I lost two children, one to prison and another to death. I loved his girlfriend like my child and I wouldn’t be in the profession I’m in if it wasn’t for her. Whenever I go to work I’m reminded that she is the reason I can feed my family. All I want to do is contribute towards the raising of her children. I never thought that one day my son would be a murderer. What he did was wrong and I don’t condone it but he’s my son and I’m still his mother.”
As she fought back tears, his mother recounted some of the details her son told her before he handed himself over to the police, “I had to be strong for him,” she said. While she regained her composure, the conversation moved to the kind of brother he was and the influence he had on his siblings as the eldest son. With a smile on her face and eyes full of pain, she spoke fondly about how the younger sibling would visit the older brother while he was on trial to show him test results and ask for tips on how to improve academically as they tried to find normalcy in an abnormal situation.
When it came to how she was coping, the mother broke down and let out some of the hurts that had built up inside of her. “I thought my family would stand by me through all of this. And those who I thought would stay have turned their backs on me. I can’t walk in the neighbourhood without feeling the stares and whispers of the crime my son committed. I was one of those people long ago who judged parents because of what their children did and spoke words like ‘they should rot in jail.’ Little did I know that I too would be on the receiving end of the very words I had spoken.”
These are words of a mother who not only understands but fully comprehends the depth of hurt family and society can inflict on those whose loved ones have found themselves behind bars as a result of their actions. In a statement from the police her son was found guilty of murder and sentenced to life imprisonment.
“When we got to the body, I still couldn't look at it as the half body was inside and half out.
She was still beautiful.”